Have Space Suit - Will Travel

Sunday, April 25, 2010



As Robert A. Heinlein said "Have Space Suit - Will Travel." I was told today that if I was gonna be quoting "the greats" that I needed a space suit to get on their level. So...Here I am, at the top of my own planet because I'm to good to be amongst the stars. According to Ralph Marston, “Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.” So, I'm gonna need you to check that crap at the door son! I'm not saying that you can't use words like cantankerous, confutative, and pretentious but remember that I am your equal and I know what those words mean; ill-tempered and quarrelsome; disagreeable; difficult to handle, the act to proving to be wrong or in error; refute decisively, and using words that you are unfamiliar with in order to impress people so HA!

Bernice Raegan Johnson told me (yep not personally but she may just be a friend in my head) that “Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.” I've been trying to tell you that for years now and I'm thinking that you are just too stubborn to believe me. And I know that you “Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory” like George Patton said but you do not have this victory yet for we have just begun... yeah, I'm calling you out. Now I understand that “The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution” says B. Russell but I think that you are stating it only in a way that you may understand it yourself because you know I have the solution.

Are you tired yet cause I can quote all day! Russell Mark (another friend in my head) told me “Competing at the highest level is the greatest test of one's character” and I'm writing the scripts so I know that I have the lead role. “There is no greater challenge than to have someone relying upon you; no greater satisfaction than to vindicate his expectation” said Kingham Brewster and I would have to agree with him wholeheartedly or this would not be as fulfilling as it is right now. “That is what Americans do. We face a challenge -- no matter how great -- because we know that on the other side there is always hope” C'mon Senator John Kerry don't be so shallow, that's why you're not president right now. Doh! Cheap shot SinSiNattie (yeah, I'm talking in third person) but like McDonald's slogan goes "I'm loving it". I'm giving myself a high-five right now...lol! What's up to my Ninja Mystikal..."Diarrhea mouth mutha&%!#,Talk shit constantly, Talk so much shit....wipe my mouth with toilet paper" yeah, I see you finally got outta prison in the 2010 I'm waiting for that next album to drop.

I know a lot of you wont understand the meaning behind this blog but I had some built up frustrations for someone told me that I wasn't good enough today. “Don't be afraid to fail. Don't waste energy trying to cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It's OK to fail. If you're not failing, you're not growing” written by an undisclosed author but they did not know me and read where FAILURE is not in my vocabulary. Check it, I believe I posted that one back in March. Why ain't you following me on my blog? I've been spending all my time pouring out my thoughts and feelings and shit and I, Nattie, SinSiNattie, is not good enough for thee.

So I took some time and consulted with my homie Mark Twain and he said “I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.” He was so gangsta with that one...What you think... Bloods, Crips, Surenos, Nortenos? Can someone please tell me what hood Twain was rep'n!

I hope I'm getting my point across because you know that there will be another blog that follows if it is still not perceived. Hmmm, when neither party can give checkmate, the game is drawn i guess but then I will still not be satisfied.

Shit, “What is genius, anyway, if it isn't the ability to give an adequate response to a great challenge?” Yeah Bette Greene put that knight in position because we just may have us a good game goin! Kick him when he's down and his mind is exhausted. That's right! Get up! Can you see me now?...Yeah, I'm on your level standing eye-level Son! WHAT!

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Relationship... To Be Or Not To Be...What's The Real Question?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


A couple of weeks I asked a panel of Males and Females a group of questions around being single and being in relationships. I was truly impressed by the male response (75%). It was good to see all of you come together and really be serious around a matter that is usually not spoken about. I guess that shows the maturity of these men... Now the females on the other hand, disappointed me a bit. I posted to about 10 and got back 30% of the responses, but yet this proved my theory. So lets get "write" to it! I believe that it will be easier to break this out individually by questions...don't worry, I will not be giving any names during this.

What are the biggest challenges you face/faced being single?
The holistic response from the male perspective is that there are no challenges to being either and the true challenge one person brought up was finding someone you want to be with and maintaining that relationship.Also, trying no to catch feeling for someone because you are a good person wanting to see the good in everyone. But on the other hand the holistic response from the female perspective was that it was hard to find a mate period. It's challenging within itself for females because we have this need to not be alone. We want someone there that will hold us when we need support or that feeling of security. Now let me break this down; one of the females is married so obviously she has had no apparent challenge with this but as for the others, my real concern is "where the hell are you looking?" And please don't say in church! Being a female myself, i want to speak on this as well. I guess it all boils down to what exactly it is that you are looking for. It's about being at the appropriate place at the right time. Also don't go looking for it...let it just happen.

How can you tell if a Male/Female is into you?
While most of you would say that actions speak louder than words. There is also body language to play a factor in all of it. But let me say this, on the flip-side of all of this both men and women can do whatever it takes to get what they want. whether it be dinner, shopping, quality time or just plain sex, we do whatever it takes. I think that its the mentality of the person. If you are a person that just takes into consideration how you feel and what you want it really doesn't matter if that other person is in to you or not. But then again, let me share with you my theory on how "women run all relationships". See the fact of the matter is that you guys (literally) think that when you go out that you gonna "score, tap that, hit that, bang that out" or whatever the term is these days but you fail to realize that regardless of your plan, us women make or break it. So, basically we sit at home and get ready to go out and then we decide what kind of night we want to have. Some of us are contemplating a one night stand with the man of our choice or just want to dance with a couple of people or just plain go out and be hoe-ish... yea, that's right...that's the one you guys might get lucky with the hoe-ish girl. Us females that just want to go out and have a good time have to worry about the over-aggressive male that just wants to "get some" and the guys that are worth our time don't approach us because maybe they are intimidated by just the appearance or feel the need to secretly watch us all thru the night interact with other people around us. Why is this. Why am i not approachable to the common guy. I'm cute, well to me I'm just fuckin beautiful (inside and out)! In the words of Kayne West...you can't tell me nothing...lol! But personally, if I like you and want to talk to you... I will.


Do we have trouble communicating?
what the hell...of course we do. We live in a world now where everyone is right. Men and women both have things that they are more comfortable talking about with certain people and sometime that is not their partner. No I don't want to hear how you're pissed that your homie fucked your ex/baby momma. Nor do I want to hear about how you sucked your man last night. Somethings are just not to be shared with anyone! I'm sorry for that but I had a flash of some people from my past. I would have to agree with one of the females that responded to this when she said that women are usually more open to talk about dreams, goals, i.e. having children but also on the other hand another female said that it is hard to open up to someone that you love because of the fear of the response. It was also said that men are interested in learning about the woman herself and that they think more in the "now", than in the future. Now guys you had a subtle response to this. To much my surprise you countered what the females said and said that of course there will be communication issues but at the same time you need to find a medium of understanding. Being honest and truthful with what you have to say and expect the other to do the same. But all in all the mutual agreement is that we (men and women) aren't wired the same way. Us women are the upgraded model (rims and all)...hahaah. But I did get an interesting response that broke it down in the terms of Girls & Boys. I quote..."Men and women have no problem communicating. Girl and boys do. Girls cant express feelings because of fear so they play games or dress up with tight clothes or wear little clothes to attract guys. Boys go out and create jealousy by talking to other girls to send a signal to the girl that he likes to get with him or loose him. hmmmm....deep!

OMG--the kids
Why is this a problem? Most of us females leaned towards drama with the other female in the man's life. My boy Dave Hollister said it best "I gots the baby mama drama, Enough to wanna make ya scream and holla" but that goes for the baby daddy drama too. Glad to know that most of you wont discriminate. I understand some reasons for doing so but use caution. Get your life in order first before you go adding more stuff. We are not adding to a collection of air force ones in the closet people. This is life and when we date it affects everyone involved directly or indirectly. I got two responses of not being able to have the milk without the cow and guys...i dunno...why a cow tho..can we come up with something better...lol. Another male response was how can you try to pretend her life didn't start until you met her... Good point! Ending it all with either you accept it or move on. But you could be missing out on a great partner because of your standards....Think about it...

Git it...hookin up...
Look ya'll...i'm looking for someone to "put a ring on it" and to accomplish that... I ain't hookin up nothing but dinner...lmao. Or maybe my hair before I go out with the ladies. But again we agree that relationships these days are what's in. Why spend the time hooking up when all you gonna get is a trip to tha clinic. I dont want to be asking for your "safe sex license" cuz you think your are "pimpin" or what's tha word girls use nothin fancy just "hoe" comes to mind.

Dating Complaints...Leave them in my purse or wallet at the end of the date
Nobody wants their time wasted and this is what the #1 complaint is. AND.. when on that date, stay off the damn phone! I don't care if your girl is calling askin what your date looks like or your homie text'n you to see if you gonna get some tonight. Focus people!! How can we date when we have all this outside crap going on? When I go out, I don't want to stop over your momma's house cuz you supposedly left something there, and I sure as hell don't want to go to the strip club...on the first date:). I understand that you don't want to meet our family or involve the family in the play-by-play of the entire night. As in Vegas...what happens in ____________stays is ___________...please take note.

Marriage...is it just a piece of paper?
Well Cass Daley said "Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give." The union of two people is the most beautiful thing... why are we so scared to make this commitment? I'm a decent person... no wait, not enough confidence...I'm a damn good person and any man should love to have me in their life. I cant offer anymore than I already do. But also I've been in a situation of being with someone for years and just felt like I needed the validation of the commitment. Like I needed to wake up and roll over and see that piece of paper to keep me from knocking tha shit outta him for doing something stupid. Oops...another personal reflection...lol. But seriously somebody that I asked put it to me in a way that I had never heard it before. "Will you carry the marriage license around in your purse or will you carry a picture of your husband?" That shit was deep. I mean it fucked me up for days thinking about that. Excellent point!

Now, I would like to thank everyone for their input on this and hopefully it helps gives perspective but if not...oh well, i tried. And like Jay-Z said "on to the next one"...lol!

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What Size Are Those Pants Dear???

Friday, April 16, 2010

Who wears the pants in your relationship? This is really a sensitive subject to most in relationships. We all like to think that we have the control but do we really? What do you get out of controlling everything? Men, do you really want to go grocery shopping, pick up the children from ballet or meet your mother for lunch to discuss the family china that will be passed down when she dies and ladies do you really want to change the oil manually, cut down that tree that is just waiting for that right storm to come to fall on your 20 year old roof that already needs to be repaired, and do you really want to clean out the basement when the sewer line backs up into it...hell no! Face it, we both need help with things. Times changed just a bit as time has gone on.

They are now in the woman’s favor and let me tell you, we are LOVING it. Now we may let our men wear the pants, but we control the zipper, the pockets, and the buttons...lol! Still not sure? Go to the mirror and ask yourself the question;
“Who wears the pants in my relationship?” Then look down. You may very well be wearing pants but do you have the control?

My personal opinion is that a relationship should be 50/50 at all times and in every situation. So in the case of a 50/50 relationship both man and woman would wear capri pants. Might as well fellas. Ya'll already be having the pants fallin off ya asses. Oh what a sight that would be, can you imagine it, all the men in the world wearing capri pants? (fade to scene... yep, i'm cracking up inside). But the reality is that no you can’t imagine that, and do you know why? It’s because most women have their men take off their pants at the beginning of the relationship and hand them over.

NOTICE!!! Hope is not lost fellas, so fear not. This can be prevented but it requires a little bit of work on your part. Are you ready? No, I mean really pay fuckin attention. This is all you have to do...

GRAB YOUR BALLS!!!!!!!!!!

Those things between your legs that you scratch in public all the time. Yeah go ahead and give them a nice tight squeeze. Remember that you may want a child or another child so be careful but take back your manhood!

If your girl is being a bitch for no damn reason and need to be put in her place, for the sake of your manhood put her there. Do so in a respectful way mind you. But don't let us talk to you like you are nothing. Look, if I can get away with talking to you reckless, why would I stop if I'm getting what I want. But listen to my crazy words and acknowledge what I said and then with everything that you have counter the argument! I aint sayin that you need to right every time but I'm saying have the confidence that you are not wrong in that moment. Sometimes we just need that "reality check" that "man shit" is just that, "man shit" but do not let us walk all over you like a door mat. Remember, we can not control you if you are in control of you...

aaaahhhh.... This has been your motivation for the day...lol!

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Revenge....Forgiveness...

"If it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge" quoted by the great William Shakespeare. What does this truly mean? If I slept with a man years ago you should make it a point to sleep with him too? Exactly where does this stop. Why is there this need to compete with our lives and try to be better than the next? Is it possible to really be "better" than the next person. I don't want to get all religious on you but c'mon...God created us in his image but I dont recall seeing in the bible that he slept with Abrahams girl just because he could. But I guess that's not a good example since he is GOD! But that's my point. We (not specifically but generally) always want to throw God in the middle of everything but I don't understand how you can be a christian on certain days. Is there a switch or something that tells me that when I go out and decide to have a one night stand with my husbands best friend that it's okay. But the next day you have someone in your life that does the same exact thing and you get all "Pro-Christ" on them. Help me understand this.

We see our family doing well for themselves and we cant be happy for them but we are envious. Creating such jealous rages within the relationship that took a lifetime to build. Family...should we always jump to forgive them for their deceitful actions because they are blood. I know my family isn't close like it should be but I don't ever think that I downed someone for their success or for them trying to be a better person for themselves. It's like this, I went to a nice school and got a decent education and went on to college and maintained my career but I don't look at the family that didn't any different than myself. We all have circumstances that kept us from doing something in our life that may not have been our own dream but in the words of me (Nattie) "it is what it is." I can be labeled as the "better" one to them but in all reality, my mom was like their mom, their home was like my home, and my childhood was like their childhood. It may not have appeared that way but it really was. I grew up to live in the "hood" and I'm not talking about a little outside of the suburb I'm talking about "Glencoe". Where when I looked out my window all I saw was drug deals going down, prostitution on my front porch, fools shootin just to be shootin... I got into legal trouble or should I say illegal situations but I had to make a choice. Where did I want to be in MY LIFE? And then we make changes to make our dreams and goal obtainable.

It was you that drifted, not me. Why must you hate me in such a way that you spread lies about me to taint my character because YOU chose a different lifestyle? I'm finally seeing my path and around the people that helps my light shine brighter. Why take this...no, retract that last statement...why try to take away what I want to build as a sanctuary for me and my family. A platform so high that as I progress all I can do is reach down and pull another hand to help them get on my level. A path that can be followed and detoured amongst the next confused person not thinking they have a way. Why do you hate me for trying to...just be me? I'm really not sure that I'm strong enough to hear the answer to that but test me because my strength grows rapidly. I know like me you wanted to be educated but there is still time for that. Dreams are still obtainable until the day you take your last breath. But until then quit hatin on me and join me. I hate you for secretly hating me but...i forgive you. I forgive you for all the hurt that you have caused. I forgive you for all the time you spent with me that wasn't truly just to be with me. George Bernard Shaw said that "Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated." I'm learning to just accept this as it is and to not ask questions. Lewis B. Smedes says that "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future." ...In looking at all this as a whole, it's really not me that you hate...it's you.

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looking in the mirror I see your face... not mine...

Monday, April 5, 2010



After laying in the bed all night, I try to gather my bearings to finally get out of the bed. I try to figure out what is planned within my day and for some reason that image is blank. I begin to think about everything going on in my life currently and then the feelig of being overwhelmed has taken over my body. My health, kids, work, house and the list continues to grow. I really need a break. I need something to take my mind off of things. Should I go away and take some time to myself? Should I go to the library to do research on an upcoming surgery that I really need to have? What's going on with me...why cant I focus on my days anymore? I guess I will take a shower and it will all come to me. Where is my damn towel, and what the hell am I going to do with my hair and did I finish that report from yesterday? The kids have an event after school so I dont have to pick them up until late tonight...no wait, its Tuesday, so they are with their father, so I can stay and work my full day of work. I'm really forgetting to do something...what is it? Was I supposed to meet someone, talk to someone, be somewhere...wtf! what is it! Wait I just got a text saying "i love you:)" and I just smile and reply "l.o.l:)" and keep moving within my day. That one text...those three words have completely got my mind racing. I begin to smile more and then let out a brief chuckle and look at my phone one more time. I begin to think about all the "first" that we shared...then the seconds...and hopefully the forevers. My body is starting to fill with random pain and then a headache to top it off. Can I please have a normal day!

I finally get home to hear a screen door close and then I hear some story that seems to portray my daily activity coming from an apartment upstairs. So sick of nosey bitches in my business. Who is this man that they see leaving my apartment? But really, why does it matter? Why be sneaky and sit in your car just to "runtelldat" about what's goin on with me...again, nosey bitches. I just want to break thru my door and snatch my clothes off and put on some sweatpants. Again, where is my towel? I need to wash off this day. My phone goes off again, and this time it reads "how your day goin bay". With the aggravation of the day my repy this time was just "it is what it is" and I left it alone.

OMG! I'm in so much pain! I really need to find my damn towel and get in the shower. Maybe the heat will help me. Aahh, finally into the shower with the steam all around me... I can finally breathe. As I wash up and just lay my head on the shower wall and close my eyes, my day flashes before me. Nothing special, just a typical day. How can I make it thru any more of these? I cant go thru this alone...

I turn off the water to the shower and proceed to dry off. Still amongst the steamy mist that has filled the room, I try to see. I open my eyes and see just a cloudy fog. I cracked the door to let some of the steam escape the bathroom and I begin to wipe the mirror. As i stand there, clean from everything but burden. I drop to the ground and pray to God that he will give me a sign to help me thru.Help me determine the value of my life. Give me something to try to aleve some of the stress. Feeling such emptiness, i brought myself back to my feet and I look into the mirror, and I see your face...not mine...

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Immobile To Live And Love...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I have something to say as usual. What is the point in being in a relationship where there is no trust. You go to work and come home and occasionally you go and have a drink with friend that you wouldnt normally. All this to please one person. One person that you care so much about but that person is so blinded by other people and what they think that it is damaging to your relationship. You misunderstand your partner and always try to find something wrong to validate why things cant be good all the time. "what's the catch" you always think when in fact there really isnt one and that person just wants to do what they feel is right. Even when it tears them apart daily. You love that person with all your heart and would do anything for them but at what point does "over-protective" turn to "controlling." You remember the good times that you had with the people that you were used to being with and then when you enter into a relationship all that is supposed to change. Why??? What is the real issue? Why must we just sit and wait for the other person to come around as their schedule fits. Understanding that they have obligations to their life but what about yours. Is what you want not important anymore? Why cant the other person understand that if you wanted to leave or do something outside your relationship that you would end it. bow out gracefully. Why cheat? If I dont want to be with that person then dont be. But you need to understand that that person had a life before you that was functioning and it shouldnt stop just because it makes you happy. Dont be selfish like that. Be understanding and realize that that person chose you. What needs to happen for that person to just "get it?" Is it because they have experienced a bad relationship and they are reflecting? Is this just their insecurities because they know that things are not perfect and you could just move on at anytime. But what if you are unhappy? Why doesnt that count in the other persons' eyes. Why is it that all they see is black and white, male and female, and even more so just dick and pussy. I'm sorry but we're all adults here. Why cant they accept the fact that you took time out of your life to get to know them, to love them, and even more so try to devote your life to them. What exactly are we missing in the love equation? When me + you = love and nothing else. I know that there are several different variables where in some cases me + you = uncertainty, distrust, misguided love but at what point do we sit at the chalk board and figure some shit out! Nothing like pondering on a problem for a lifetime and the answer is right in front of you. But the solution to your problem is that you need to open your eyes...open your eyes to accept that that person does love you unconditionally and wants to be there thru everything. So I guess the real question is are you willing to accept them the way that they were (and still is) without making them sacrifice their life for you? Open you eyes to understand that they want to love you with all of their being. More importantly open your heart and create a two way street that can be travelled simotaniously by the both of you. Can you travel that street at a slow speed so everyone can see that it can in fact be done "together." When you each reach that "rest stop" can you still be together bonded at the mind and straight to the heart? Why is everyone so afraid to just live and love if someone is living to love them...

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why cant i just be me

apparently it just wasnt meant for me to express the way that I feel. So goodbye for now!

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I Am A Woman of...

I am a woman of
Addictions
Compulsions
Obsessions
I can't stop at one bite of chocolate.


I am a woman of
Intention
Purpose
Dedication
Every breath has a point.


I am a woman of
Passion
Commitment
Intensity
To be with me is to be consumed.


I am a woman of
Doubt
Fear
Insecurity
I drive myself so I don't think about it.


I am a woman of
Character flaws
Conflicting emotions
Categorical stereotypes
Can you handle it?

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When A Woman Loves A Man

You know when a man loves a woman; he will do anything to see her happy.
When he is without her, he goes crazy thinking about things that she is doing.
When she gives him all her loving, he does not refuse it but treasure it.
When a man loves a woman she is the diamond of his heart, and no matter what, he will fight for her.

When a man tells a woman that he loves her, the world underneath his feet trembles and everything he was is now complete.
When a man loves a woman, making love to her is all he knows, heaven is within every touch of her skin, and every breath she takes sucks out his heart.

When a man loves a woman, a girl goes wild, and in the deepest of her heart there is not a thing she wouldn't do for him.

When a woman loves a man, wherever he goes, it will be her home also.
When a woman loves a man, everything he gives her is more than a million.
When a woman loves a man, she will never do him wrong.
When a woman loves a man, no words in the world could compare to how she feels.

When I love you, know this- I will do anything to make you happy, even if it means loosing you. You will have all of me.

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People In My Life...

Walking down the path of life,
A path often hard, uphill and difficult
I meet people who walk by my side
Some of them choose to touch me
Some of them I touch
Some of them hold my hand and walk with me
All of them scar me somehow

I've met mean people
Violent, angry people
People dark in the soul
People that look good on the outside
People funny and gracious on the surface
But void and empty on the inside
People who try to cover their defects but can't
Emotionally naive, eternally lonely, unhappy and troubled people.

I've met people who step on me to get taller
People who break me to feel better
People who want me for one night only
People who hurt me and don't care
Weird, strange and unstable people
No sense in their behavior
People who take advantage of what I give them
People who don't appreciate me
People who expunge me from their life for good
People who erase me and cancel me with a message
People who refuse to take my calls
People who avoid me like the plague
Irrational people who I want to know better
People who interest me nevertheless...
People who promise won't treat me bad
but do so anyway without explanation
People who reject me abruptly
People who switch me off with the push of a button
People careless about my feelings
Oblivious, confused and indifferent
People who jerk me around for a week
Playing with my vulnerable soul
and toss me in the garbage afterwards.

Why, I ask, why is this happening?
Have normal people disappeared from this world?
Is it me who allows them to step all over me?
Is it my eagerness to meet someone normal
that makes me a magnet for such strange behavior?
Any normal people left out there?

Its time to change the people around me!

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Teach Me...

TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE YOU...

WHERE I THINK OF YOU AND YOU THINK OF ME

TEACH ME TO LOVE.WHERE MY HEART BURNS FROM THE SIGHT OF YOU.

WHERE MY MIND CONSIST OF YOU BEING NEXT TO ME.

WHERE I AM FREE WHEN YOU ARE NEAR.

TEACH ME TO LOVE.WHERE I NEED YOU VIGOROUSLY, WAITING IMPATIENTLY.

WHERE YOUR TOUCH CALMS MY SOUL,
YOUR HAND SOOTHES MY TROUBLES.

I NEED TO LEARN, SO TEACH ME, GUIDE ME,SHOW ME BECAUSE YOU INSPIRE ME.

GIVE ME YOUR LOVE.

WHERE YOUR KISS VIBRATES MY BODY.

WHERE OUR EYES MEET AT THE POINT OF MY FANTASY.
TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR WORLD IS MINE.

YOUR HEART IS MINE AND I AM YOURS.
LET ME LEARN YOUR LOVE, SO GENTLE, SO CARING, SO INNOCENT.

LET ME LEARN YOU.

LET MY HEART LEARN TO LOVE YOU.

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Simple vs Real

Anyone can stand by you when you are right, but a Friend will stand by you even when you are wrong...

A simple friend identifies himself when he calls. A real friend doesn't have to.

A simple friend opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on his life.

A real friend says, "What's new with you?"

A simple friend thinks the problems you whine about are recent.

A real friend says, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years. Get off your ass and do something about it."

A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.

A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!



I really want you to think about what kind of friend you are... I understand if you are a new friend and we haven't really gotten to know each other yet BUT if we've known each other for years and you are are still on the simple side....we really need to evaluate whether what we have is really a friendship!

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Hatas!!!

You talk the good talk
You tell what you know,
You think that you have all of the answers
You put on a real good show.

You say not to do something
But you do it the same,
When somebody else does it
You call them out of their name.


You are lacking in areas but yet
You put down someone else,
You need to stop focusing on what I'm doing
Pay attention to yourself.


You need to realize who you are
You will find out sooner than later,
You criticize and you judge
You are a hypocrite and a hater.


Why? Who are you?
Don't walk around like your shit don't stink,
Before you open your mouth
You need to stop and think.


Don't hate me because I'm beautiful
Don't hate me because I'm smart,
Don't hate me because I'm always smiling
Don't hate me because of the kindness of my heart.


Don't be mad at me because you are mean and
People don't respond well to you,
Think about some of the things that you say and
Some of the things that you do.


There are too many things going on
To be focusing on what I'm doing,
A personality or sense of humor
Should be what you are pursuing.

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How they view me...

How they view me...
They view me like I am not important,
Just like I don't exist,
All they do is judge me without even getting to know me,
They couldn't last one day walking in my shoes,
Trying to play my game, I bet they would lose,
I bet then they would have a taste of reality,
They just can't handle my individuality,
I'm so original, with my prettiness and style,
Jealous is what I see from my own eyes,
Looking me up and down, like that fazes me,
You say I won't make it but lease I ain't faking it,
You walking around like you the shit,
Like you that top notch bitch,
But I hate to be mean, but you just ain't the shit,
You may have that ATTITUDE and that LOOK,
But you will never have what it takes to be real!

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Between the Two of Us...

Officially penned June 1, 2008...

We met way back when
You said you loved me and I loved you
And everyday the feeling grew...
Between the two of us.

And at times when you were scared
And all so sad
You said my love for you
Made you so very glad
And love was sometimes all we had...
Between the two of us.

As the months came
And so fast they went
The love I was missing
Was soon replaced by the time we spent
And we made the most
Of each day spent...
Between the two of us.

Now there's not a day
When you don't cross my mind
And my love for you
Only grows stronger with time
You left your world to come explore mine
With so little time...
Between the two of us.

There are so many days that I miss you so much
Your smile, your scent and your gentle touch
And the pleasures of just knowing
We have so much love....
Between the two of us.

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WTF...Fiction or Fact?

Officially penned on November 12, 2009...

I just cant believe that once again im in the same position that I always end up in. I seem to always put others' feelings and what they want from me first and in front of what i want. It's really sad that through everything this is a mistake that I continue to make. Why do I respect the men that I'm with if all they do is take and take. I give my respect and my everything into a relationship for them to still feel like they need more or validation of the type of female that I am. I give my respect...and for those that know me, this is something that you have to earn from me. But when that is not good enough and there are people out there to sway judgement on your character you are always at a loss. No matter what you do or say it will never be enough and this is such bullshit! Why is it that people like me that tell their man what's going on in their life still have to deal with the bullshit. We are supposed to just go along with whatever that mans situation is and just "deal wit it" and God forbid you ask questions cuz they will dance around and you will never hear the truth. Its like we need to be that nasty bitch on the street that's gonna fuck him and his boys for it to be "just the way it is cuz she just like that" and like a dumbass these fools go right back to them. BUT then you have women like me that are tryin...no, doing shit with their life that because that man has never experience a good woman of that caliber they want to treat her like that bitch ass female. Hmm, maybe I'm going about things all wrong. I need to not be so forthcoming with my plans because even when I say what I'm doing in their mind I'm out doing shit that disrespects the relationship when in actuality everyday life disrespects our relationship. Must be nice for these men to have such control so undeservingly. Please explain this shit to me!

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T.O.W....restless

Against my better judgement (only God can really judge me) I'm gonna repost this and just see what happens. Officially penned on December 14, 2009.

TOW--Ya'll know what this means...

At four in the morning,
as you release me from your arms
into the limbo of uncertainty and semi-existence,
I begin to feel the weight of reality
closing its pages on my character.

You return to your world,
where I exist unspoken,
or intertwined in lies of your "friend Nattie",

You play your role so well
to another woman I wish I was.

You play house so well,
in a bed I should share with you,
in a kitchen I should be cooking for you,
in a dimension I should be part of,
but I'm not.

I have no right to bitch,moan, complan, or cry.
I tried out for the lead part apparantly in this fucked up drama.
From that first forbidden kiss crossing that line,
to last nite when you were with me,
your other woman, mistress, aka "tha dumb bitch",

But still i'm empty with envy.
Even if you don't love her.
She gets the privilage of her name being spoken

My identity has never passed through your mouth,
You respect her enough not to hurt her,
but you don't love me or respect me enough to keep me.

So I wait impatiently not tryin to cross lines,
hidden in the shadow of your "situation",
prisoner to the relationship that we created,
and watched and questioned when I want to do something,
as if I was the one who needed to be watched.

I wait for this fiction to become reality.
Highly doubtful of this even happening so why even wait...

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Deceitful

What She Thinks...
I hate her so i'll steal her stuff
i'm serious this isnt a bluff
i dnt like her she attracts everyone
so i'll make her life very little fun
i'll plagiarize her work
everyone will love me and not her
i'll spread rumors on her i'll tell lies
and one day she wishes she would die
i'll be mean
so on her face a smile will never be seen
i'll make sure she's always sad
i'll hurt her and treat her really bad
i will drop remarks galore
so the blood will drip from a razor that lies on the floor
i'll drive her crazy and make her ill
so she lay on the ground next to a bottle of deadly pills
i will give her false hope
so her neck will be entangled in the rope
i'll pretend to be her friend
but i'll stab her in tha back in the end
i simply want her to die
i'll make her life seem like to everyone like a fuckin lie

What I know...
I dont care how much hate you show
You are stupid and i'll never stoop down that low
i dont care about the remarks you drop
Cuz when I say so, that shit gotta stop
dont be jealous that its me you cant handle
but beware because when i'm done wit you, you will dismantle
i could care less what u say to me
but tears in my eyes bitch is something you'd never see
so plagiarize, it wont get you far
you'll still be on this level wit people lookin at you like "how fuckin bazaar"
there is nothing you can do that will make me wanna die
you are pathetic, you suck bitch, no lie
jealousy is a life threat'n disease
but you gonna know betta not to overstep your fuckin boundaries
i love u and u make me smile
You need to quit trippin before you end up in exile
i cant believe you are on this low of a level
but i'm onto your tricks
so have fun now and enjoy havin yo kicks
silence is golden and silence i'll use
my speech i will not abuse
i have one line for you
and you aint even worth it

GET ON MY LEVEL B*t*ch!

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