A Moment In My Past...

This is me...

Why is it so hard to believe that things between us are coming to an end? This is what you wanted because certainly you cannot think that It could have played out any differently. I have been there thru everything. I will have to face the world that thought that you were this great man but the truth is that you are no different than all the other men that have been in my life. I should have played things like you did. Never giving all of myself to you. And certainly not letting everyone believe that you were someone that you were not.

You see, thru it all there is no fault or blame. It just is what it is and at this point, it's all good! For the best. I did care, well hell, I still care but I refuse to let you control my life when you don't even accept me into yours. There will be no more introductions of anyone else that I know. You didn't give me the same respect.

I finally get it. I was a "test drive" a "lease" something that you thought that you could ride for a couple of years and then after that determine if you wanted to keep me. Well that is no longer your choice. You see, if I had the same opportunity that you did there really wouldn't be a reason to have a relationship. Like you said Friends with benefits....I don't do that but apparently I did it with you. You had whatever it was that you had going on and then there was me. Your "biggest secret". You can't have it both ways! But again, you did. I allowed this to go on for quite some time until it put me into a mood of depression.

I have yet another sidebar that always plays a factor....LIFE...you see shit that you refuse to believe. You let shit ride that you know is not fair or ethical. You live your life and I understand that I'm not included in it to nobody but you. What the fuck was I doing??? Why did I allow you into my life like this? Although I said that there is no blame I do blame myself for my misery in our relationship. I accepted what you told me and not what I was seeing with my own eyes. But I wanted to believe you would not lie to me. How dumb was I?

After crying my eyes out and trying to tell you how unhappy I am in our relationship your only response to me was "alright" and "don't". Alright meaning okay, whatever. and "don't" meaning to not keep doing the things that I've been doing to make the shit work. So how do you go into a partnership and the "partner" is silent. They want the proceeds from the transaction but not willing to put in the work.