Hate...This is not me

I hate the way we live
I hate we have to die
I hate the way you want it to be all over
And suddenly change your mind
I hate you want to hurt yourself
I hate that I have to cry
I hate I see myself somewhere deep inside your eyes
I hate that I can relate to you 
I hate that you cant see
All the good things in your life 
I hate you cant see me 
I hate when I look in the mirror
Your the person looking back
I hate that every day seems like someone will attack
I hate that I am weak
I hate that you are here
I hate that I can't change all the things I fear
I hate that I dont hate you
instead I hate myself
for im the one who can't even remember my true self
I hate I let you into my mind
I hate you let me stop living
I hate that you don't understand what all I'm expected of forgiving
I hate I dont want to talk to you
I hate its not like it use to be
I hate that you want to change me to change what you want to see
I hate you can't tell this isn't all my hate
I take your hate into myself and understand my fate
sometimes I dont understand the hate 
and still I continue to see
all the self hate deep down inside of you
is now inside of me.

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Alicia Keys - Girl On Fire featuring Nicki Minaj (Live)

Alicia Keys - Girl On Fire featuring Nicki Minaj (Live): Alicia Keys and Nicki Minaj Perform "Girl On Fire" Live at the 2012 VMAs

I'm starting to love this song ya'll.

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Just A Man...

Through all the work that was done in this life it can still never be measured by any one person or tool.  To have someone in a capacity to make you complete/whole is merely a desire of the heart.  But when that heart is alone what is there left?  Companionship... no not even that.

When you are born you are born of two beings.  Two beings of which may or may not choose to be in your life.  Two beings that are a free pass (vip tickets) to your almost every move.  As we get older we search to find that soul mate in which we can share our life with to call our own.  Not that in a  paying kind of way, or a bought kind of way but in a damn way that simply means that you are MINE lol.  Nah, seriously just someone to spend your life with be it good or bad.  But as someone passed away the final words in the article simply said "He had no wife, nor children."  That truly just bothered me.  Although there was talk that he may have been homosexual (at which I really could care less of his sexual preference) I want to know why it had to be said that way.  To me the words "He had no wife, nor children" means that he died just a man.  Just a man with maybe a sister, brother, nieces and some nephews but no-one to be there for him when he came home. To call to vent to when he had a bad day.  No one to kiss or tuck in at night.  No one to walk down the aisle or stand up next to at a wedding.  Just a man...

Now when you are just a man does it matter that you have been viewed by millions; Touched the soul of an entire culture and era of our lives?  Does it matter that without knowing what your real birth name is someone may call you by your character name or imitate a(n) action that the world pieces back to you.  Does it bother you that when they wrote that he died it said "first name last name, star of " tv show" has died?  Because without saying what is role/character was on a particular show we would have kept scrolling and said to our self wtf is that.  But I guess he meant something to me as I took the time to share my thoughts and feelings on "this man"..

Out of respect I shall name this man that had no wife, nor children....he is the late Sherman Alexander Hemsley star of The Jeffersons....character name: George.

                                                         1 February 1938~24 July 2012

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Please Help Bring Eli Home!

As I have known Jamie since high school, It was no surprise that they would tackle this adventure head on. Watching this story evolve has been quite an experience as we typically only hear of this via the news and not someone that we know. So to give you a little background please read their story and share with your friends. As adoption expenses are very costly please feel free to chip in and donate (any amount would be appreciated) to their bringing little Eli home. If you are unable to donate, that's quite okay too! Please share their story on your facebook pages and blogs if you have one. I appreciate my facebook friends for sharing Jamie and Jared's journey....

Jared and Jamie met and started dating in high school. They have been together for 15 years and married for 8 years. They are blessed with three biological children, ages 6, 4, and 1. Jamie was a special education teacher working with children with severe disabilities before she and Jared had their children. She put in many hours working with “her” children, and 2 of them were flower girls in their wedding. Jamie knew she would love to bring home a child with a disability but Jared wasn’t sure if the time was right.

Over the past few years Jamie and Jared have felt called to help children in need, and began following and donating to other families who were making this journey. Jamie found Eli’s picture and emailed it to Jared. She asked a friend to pray that he would find a family quickly if it wasn’t meant to be them. Jared saw his picture and immediately fell in love with him. He contacted Reece’s Rainbow on his own to find out more about him! He and Jamie decided that he was the one meant to be their second son, rounding out the family to 2 boys and 2 girls. They are very excited to bring Eli home and their children are excited about their new brother!

Follow the family’s adoption journey on their blog at http://sunshinedaysandpeacefulnights.blogspot.com/

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2 Years Down....

As this day is almost over and I am finally able to compose this message that has been lingering around in my head for the past couple of days I shall start in this manner...

Two years ago today is when I was talked into starting this blog and I'm so glad that I did. It has helped me get out some things that have been on my mind over the last year. And as I have not written that much this year thus far, I still just have shit to say. But this year may just be different because it was brought to my attention that the writing that I do is meaningless. I really wish that I heard this from a stranger whereas I really wouldn't give a fuck, but, because it was from someone close to me that said it I'm really not quite sure what to feel. I love to write and express my feelings and just because it my be something that is a hitting home on a situation that other people are going thru or a reflection of my life doesn't make it invalidated. So I turned to my spoken words in my Vlog....what in the hell for....so you may be aware in my facial expressions that I really don't give a damn or the flip side of me actually caring so we will see how this goes.

Also today is yet another special milestone in my life. 5 years ago... I know I can hardly believe that its been that long....but 5 years ago I met this guy of whom pisses excellence now but then back in the day you could bet on a random rant on a "space that was not his own". I don't know what made me respond to that particular rant but It was one of those things that was right on time. And to think that after that he was literally right down the street from me. It was like sitting in a park playing someone on a mobile game and realizing that the laughs were after you pushed the send button. And to this day he is "ketchup" and I love him so much for bringing out a side of me that is now all of me! I love ya B. Wilson.

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Exercising My Rights

There are just some people that seem to always have something to say when I exercise my first amendment right. You know, one of the most important ones to me.... the 1st one, FREEDOM OF SPEECH. So, at any point in time that I say anything to offend you, him, her, or them please do one of the following (because I believe in giving people options): a) keep your comment to yourself unless I am speaking directly to you or b.) DELETE YOURSELF FROM MY PAGE! If you are unclear of how to accomplish this task, please see below.

Simply login to your page and click on my name or use the following tool in the upper center of your page that looks like this...

Please spell my name correctly in the search "Natasha Cain (Nattie Johnson)

then find the following on the right side of your screen at direct eye level and click where it says "friends"

Scroll all the fuck down to the last option at which states UNFRIEND. If you are not a friend on my friends list but you are compelled to see what I'm writing please view at your own risk!

If you want to constantly change your name to view my page here are a couple of suggestions:

first name "sooveryounyours" last name

first name "solastseason ago" last name

first name "cantgrowthefuckup" last name

first name "mommasbitch" last name

first name "sharktooth" last name

first name "welfarefraud" last name or my personal favorite....

first name "thirsty" last name

AND if your profile picture looks like a yahoo avatar but your real picture can be found in the local BUSTED paper...need I really say more?!?!?!

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Happy March Folks!!!

Just wanted to let you guys know that I have finally got the Vlog up and going. So from this point forward I may write, or post a video depending on the situation. If you want to check it out please visit my YouTube channel. Leave a comment if you want and I will try my best to respond. You can still follow me on my Twitter or my Facebook.

As always thanks for all the support.

SinSiNattie

p.s. Book?.....maybe....patience (:

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