Once Again, because someone wants me too...

So I am not in control of my life. I now still realize this. Unfortunately, i have removed and deleted all of my followers to my blogsite. I'm being questioned about what I do and what I write so it is only a matter of time that I shut down the entire page. Shutting down the only part of my life that I felt that I had complete control. I am being accused of doing shit that I would never do and frankly tired of having to prove myself. So I will be in my own personal hell for the time being. I know what I want is never going to happen and it's my fault that I will not leave the situation. I'm being punished daily and this what I call "life". I have everything but in fact nothing at all. Looking forward to building up the confidence to just leave and move forward with my life instead of going backwards at my own expense. If you want to live this bullshit life then stay where you are and let me live mine with my girls and move FORWARD. I will not sacrifice my life and constantly be accused of stuff because you know deep in your heart that that person that you say I am is not me. Quit sayin that you dont know what I do when you are not here. You have ability to be here when you want to be. I'm not keeping you from here...you are, your situation is! I WILL NOT BE living in somebodies shadows. I deserve better. You can not give me the slightest thing of what I want right now so I truly believe that we should part ways and when that time comes when you can give yourself to me appropriately like I have to you it could be the most beautiful thing. What you are doing to me is unfair and selfish. Because you want our relationship to be, means that I have to continue to live lies and be alone. I'd rather be alone then to be dealing with this constant strain on my heart. Just because we love each other doesn't mean that it is meant for us to be with each other at this present point.