Roots...

So I took a new job, rather an additional job and I think that I like it so far. And things have been changing so much now that I have accepted some things that I really wasn't trying to see. I have this problem you see. A problem in which I try to help any and everyone in sight at whatever cost to me. Now I watched "Madea Goes To Jail" the other day and she said something that really stuck with me.

“Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you’re always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they’re over there… wind blow that way they over here… they’re unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they’re gone. That’s alright. Most people are like that, they’re not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that, that’s who they are. That’s all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf.

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, ‘cause they’ll fool you. They’ll make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find two or three people in your life that’s like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren’t going nowhere. They aren’t worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don’t have to know what they’re doing for you but if those roots weren’t there, that tree couldn’t live.

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it… just let it go. Let folks go.”

Now, in the midst of dealing with constant lies and drama that has been put forth in my life over the past year...well hell, past 5 years, I've come to realize that I can be the root for all the people that I encounter. When you need me, lord knows that I am there! But then there is the times that I need people to be there too! I admit now that I'm not superwoman (as I would claim to be) but I am a great modified version. Now I've been dealing with bull and I mean some real mess that would make you question whether or not I was sane at the time. You can't help who you love and I swear the heart wants what it wants. BUT, this is when you/I need to wake the hell up and say "are you f'n kidding me?" I'm in the hospital and not once did you visit me, not once did you call. But a damn text message is supposed to be okay? Now, people come to see me all the way from NY because they know that I'm not feeling well to offer their time and shoulder if needed and you dont budge. What the hell is the real problem here. You get in a financial bind and you come to me, not the woman that you live with...Yea, I'm recognizing my stupidity!

Thru text message (always thru text message) you send me yet another coded message because you want me to blame you for everything because you blame you for everything. But the difference is when I do imply, you fly off the handle and yes I will hang the hell up on you or not respond.

But today...today was different. You questioned my whereabouts because you still dont understand when I tell you that I'm sick that it's not a cold i'm dealing with. But of course, if it's not your kids, mother, or brother it doesn't matter. My house is just the "safe haven" for you to escape the bullshit life that you created but cannot change because you are weak. You want people to understand your life but seriously...c'mon, you made that bed, now lay in it (and I'm sure you are) which I'm really not trying to hear that lie again either.

"Hope u have fun doing it, change is good for everyone"...this was the response from this man after learning that I am continuing to be successful and being my own woman without the help of anyone. Here's the thing, don't be mad at me because I'm younger and I have my shit together. Because I can come and go as I please because I don't cross anyone and my kids are welcomed anywhere they go. Jealousy and envy are a serious problem. William Penn said "The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves." So what this means is just because you are miserable with your life, DO NOT bring that shit unto mine.

When I hit a milestone in my life I hear the beat. The beat of Webbie singing "Independent" Cuz I got my own house, and my own car, two jobs...work hard cuz i'm a bad broad. I'm realizing that you are definately a "leaf." You took from my tree but you neva even provided shade. That's like putting a joint in rotation and forgetting to pass it. Like driving the car with the emergency brake on. Like trying to throw a rock at the ground and missing. Okay, I'm done with all that. But seriously, I can count on my hands (and toes) how many roots I have in my life and I'm so grateful. I've just released a leaf that I honestly believe that they will never understand why. But i'm sure it will be my fault. But the thing is, this time.... I DONT CARE!