Respect....The Boomerang Effect

First lets try to narrow down the definitions of respect as I know it. This is my personal opinion and you are entitled to yours.

Respect means a lot of different things. On a practical level it seems to include taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. We might also say it means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, etc. It also seems to include acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.

Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is there, the behavior will naturally follow.

Still, there is a value to respect which money can't buy. Though someone's life might not depend on it, there are times, many times in fact, when another person has the chance to make a personal decision - a judgment call. When that person feels sincere respect for someone else, they will make a different decision than if they feel no respect, even if they have customarily shown a false, pseudo-respect to the person.

We can all sense whether we are respected or not. This holds true for those with money and power as well. Moreover, it is quite possible that those who pursue money and power are actually trying to gain a type of respect that they never have truly felt.

When we are respected we gain the voluntary cooperation of people. We don't have to use as much of our energy and resources trying to get our needs met. When people respect one another there are fewer conflicts. So, it is for both evolutionary and practical reasons that respect is important, and also why we simply feel better when we are respected. And when we are not...all hell tends to break loose...lol! Oops that's a personal reflection.

Respect seems to be like a boomerang in the sense that you must send it out before it will come back to you. Respect cannot be demanded or forced, though sometimes people mistakenly believe that it can.

Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other one is, understands and would never challenge the other person’s boundaries. Love and respect should always exist together. When you love somebody, you try to bring only good things to them. When you respect somebody, you acknowledge the right of the person to decide about what is actually good for them. Combining both feelings together you may help your partner to fulfill his/her choice (in case it doesn’t contradict any of your own principles and then it can be a voluntary sacrifice on behalf of love). But it is terrible if the first exists without the second.

Sometimes we are missing in our relationships listening in non-judgmental manners and an attempts to understand and affirm other’s emotions. If my self-respect is higher than yours it could easily lead to controlling and dominating behavior. Boundaries of self-respect are connected with a set of values and beliefs in one’s life rather than feelings. When someone loves you, you feel valued, respected and free to be yourself. You are not meant to be feeling intimidated or controlled. Someone who loves you should help you to feel good about yourself. This is respect in a relationship which is the main key to a healthy, successful relationship.