Stranger In My House...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Karen White sang this song and it's really hitting home to us ladies. When she said that "We don't talk the way we used to talk, It's hurtin' so deep, I've got my pride, I will not cry, But it's makin' me weak. I'M NOT YOUR SUPERWOMAN! I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down, And think that everything's okay.. Boy, I am only human. This girl needs more than occasional Hugs as a token of love from you to me...
We want to hear your voices telling us that you understand where we are coming from. Look at us damnit when we are speaking to you. And I swear if I see you stare off into space imma smack tha shit outta you! All we want is for you to look at us and SEE us. Not look past us or glance at us. We want you to let us know that you do care. I swear there has got to be a book on this by now. I purchased a book back in Indiana on a visit just because it was super cheap at the bookstore at the library called The 7 Stages of Marriage. Trust me when I say that you don't have to be married to relate to this book. I have this on hand and let me know if you would like me to put it in rotation for you to see...lol!
It's clear that we don't see eye to eye. Us women are more passionate. Guys you think that if we stress to you how we feel that we are nagging. Well you know what, naggin is only effective if you are here! I cant nag over the damn phone and I dare your ass to hang up on me. Look we get that you work and want to better yourself but how hard is it for you to notice me. You'd be surprised how a little would just go a long way. Writes me a freakin note on a napkin and leave it somewhere you know that I'd look. Get your damn notebooks ready! We are in this relationship WITH you. You don't do shit by yourself no matter what you think or say. We know the truth. We find the shoes, shirts, jeans, bill that are right in front of your face. We tell you when the bills are due and what to pay. Do you even know how to check the mail?
Can you do this on your own? Is this what you want? Why are we together at this point if you are not willing to help make this shit work. It is two sided or not. We don't want to have it all. We want to make a joint decision. Do you even care that we don't see you for days? I can't sleep with the greatest silence in my home. I stay awake all night with hopes of hearing from you. When you come around I can fall asleep in .2 seconds! wtf...what is it about you. We are frustrated because we need to know "how to love you" where it doesn't hurt us in the process. Are we doing something wrong? Do we care too much? All we want is to be noticed by you. For you to listen and embrace our feelings. Let us know that you care and walk a day in our shoes . And I'm not talking about Usher's "Changes places" video. I mean ask us what we want and you fulfill that. Take the kids where they need to go, schedule crap to be fixed, hold down your job, keep yourself together in school and all while maintaining your sanity like we try to do! And we do a pretty good job in tryin to let shit roll off our back but it's starting to sting a little. Let us know that you care. “The first woman was created from the rib of a man. She was not made from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal to him.”
This is our demands....just to start with...
Return our damn calls
Kiss me for no reason
Dress up for me- yes fellas, no sweats allowed!
Remember my Birthday, anniversary,
Let's do something together that we both have never done before.
DATE ME!!! Act like the same damn man I met before YOU got comfortable.
Hold me
Talk to me...and not about music, sports, school. None of that shit!
Lay with me
LISTEN TO ME!!!
LISTEN TO ME!!!
LISTEN TO ME!!!
LISTEN TO ME!!!
LISTEN TO ME!!!
ATTEMPT TO UNDERSTAND WHY I look at you with such disgust.
When I ask you why you love me DO NOT say "cuz i do" give me the real reason because us females are very specific.
After you read this... Tell your woman why you love her...and why you appreciate her. Remember that we see thru bullshit so please keep it together.
Listen to both of these... We are getting fed up!
"Stranger in my house"
"When A Woman"
OKAY... NOW FELLA'S WHAT DOES THIS POST MEAN TO YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR LADY? HAS THERE BEEN A POINT WHERE YOU HAVEN'T AND WISHED YOU DID... LET'S HEAR IT. COMMENT BELOW...
12 comments:
This one touches me, an also hurts me beyond belief. You have lumped all men into one pile. NOT COOL! The comfort an emotional well being of my woman are the top 2 on my list! Most dudes don't think that way, but I was raised by a southern woman. I was taught how to do things proper! Your comfoert, an what you need emotionally are things I understand. Sadly, being raised that way. Makes me understand that a little to well. So, I get destroyed by women all the time. Which women take advantage of, an use against me.
I hate to say this. I am sorry mom! But, I have a serious. You can kiss my ass policy now. An you have to fight to earn my trust! I'm an intelligent,super caring, super affectionate man. An you have to fight to see that part of me now. Otherwise your gettin a stiff middle of my hand, an not the stiff part your looking for!
NA U ALREADY KNO U GET MY PROPS, LUV & RESPECT... MY RESPONSE TO THIS WOULD BE, WHEN UR BETTER HALF OR WHATEVER U WANNA CALL HIM, COMES TO U WITH HONESTY, DONT GO OFF IN ANOTHER WORLD ASSUMING.. LOOKS CAN BE VERY DECEIVING AND WHAT U ALWAYS WANT TO ASSUME IS NOT GOOD... LIKE THE SAYING ALWAYS WAS TOLD... U ASSUME U MAKE AN ASS OUT OF URSELF.. OF COURSE NO MAN LIKES NAGGIN WOMEN DONT NIETHER SO WHEN WE GET SOMETHING ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF US; TALK IT OVER FUSS IT OUT OR WHATEVER IT MAY BE.... "WOMEN" SOME OF YA'LL NEED TO LEARN TO GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON... AS HARD AS IT IS SOMETIMES US MEN STILL DO....WELL SOME OF US.. BUT FOR THE FOREMOST, IF U GOT A DUDE THAT LOVES U AND U KNO HE DOES, DONT RUIN IT WITH ASSUMPTIONS.. MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO, AND IF UR MAN SHOWS THAT SIDE.....DO NOT AND I REPEAT..... DO NOT MAKE THAT SHOULDER TURN COLD, CAUSE IF U THINK ITS WORSE FROM THE PETTY BS....HMMPH..... ONCE A MAN HAS TURNED COLD..... EITHER GRAB UR BLANKET OR THE NEXT ONE U THINK THAT CAN FILL HIS SHOES!!!
Well were to start? First let’s go with communication. Now some of us would like to think that we have pretty good or great communication with our spouses. We get up tell them where we go and what we are doing. We tell them that we love them and they mean everything to us. We display verbal and physical affections during the course of the day. Now, that’s all good, fine and dandy, but here is where the fundamental differences come in.
When it comes to more pressing matters; our communication skills begin to differ. When there’s a problem or an issue. Women remember everything they feel; while men compartmentalize their feelings. Now with that said and a conversation ensues. The woman will recall everything that has occurred and expresses this to the man. Unfortunately, this is overwhelming to the man because he doesn’t recall everything as a woman does and will feel like this is an attack on his character. This may not be the case, but this is how it is perceived.
Now let me just break it down. Some men understand what it is that women do. They understand that what she is; while the rest don’t get it at all. The problem is in the communication like I described earlier. Some of us do get comfortable with the relationship and take for granted of the woman that is simply amazing. This is where a lot of the relationships go downhill because, while the woman is feeling unappreciated the man is feeling misunderstood and the truth is lost somewhere in the middle. When this happen things go bad. We may lash out at our loved one out of frustrations or close ourselves off from the one we need to let in or even worse we look for attention outside our relationships.
We (men) need to realize that this isn’t about her nagging. This is about her calling out for help because she is the one that’s overwhelmed. I myself have done some stupid shit in my life and in my relationships but with trial and error come wisdom. A lot of us don’t get second chances, but for those who have a second chance at love get it right this time because what’s at stake here is your hearts. Not just your heart (selfish bastards) but the families’ heart. I can go on all day with this one but this is the best way I can summarize this comment.
I just think men and women don't really know what there looking for. When do we consider God in the process of choosing a mate. The fact that God is missing and the relationships are going bad should give us a clue on whats wrong. That answer is so simple its difficult for people to understand.
Its maken her weak cause ladies have to push that pride to the side and let it all out, men cry i know i've cryed over a women before. aint nothen wrong with it. sometimes that pride can get in the way of how we really feel.
I would have to say both men and women know what they want and if they really want it they would do what they had to do to keep it. If the look in your mates eye is not the same when they look at you or that spark is no longer there then something is wrong. Its just what are you willing to do and hard are you willing to work to make it work. Alot of time women like to complain about what they don't like well tell me what you do like and let me help you in that department. A relationship has its ups and downs thats FINE. But when you look at that person and its not the SAME. Let it go unless you willing to make it happen. Dont play games its okay to cry... Brothas Lets get it together and Woman lets Make it happen.
i really need to preface my comment by saying i had to write this without being able to read the post while i was writing. so i'm hoping it's on point with what was said in it.
"step outside the box", she said. ok. i'll pretend i'm not perfection just long enough to write this comment. lol! as an appointed voice of a gender, i guess i'm supposed to be able to tell women why dudes do what they do, or don't do, based on the fact that i have balls and a penis. i am "just one dude". and despite not reading a whole lot that sounded like me in this post, here goes "one dude's opinion"...
why do dudes do what they do? why does anyone do anything? what's the joke about the 800-pound gorilla? because they can. people do what they're allowed to get away with until they aren't allowed to anymore. i was just having this conversation last night. woman loves a man who is reluctant to commit to her, for whatever reasons. for years. years?! seriously?! years?! so i asked her how long she was willing to wait for him. and she didn't say she was done waiting. and she didn't say she would stop waiting either. i understand loving someone. it's difficult and it's awesome and it's the greatest thing we can offer another person and be offered in this world. but dude is dicking around because she hasn't laid it out like i'm not going to be waiting here while you fucking around with my heart. be with me or be gone. "poof...vamoose son of a bitch" - jay-z. like i don't understand when a dude is cheating on a woman and they keep taking them back and then they wonder why they keep cheating. seriously?! what do they say about "having your cake and eating it too"? but they then they say "no more. this is the last time." then he gets caught in her bed with another chick and she kicks him out. but three days later, he's coming back home after a few "i love you's" and "i'm sorry's". somehow "no more" became "come on home baby". shakespeare said, "talking isn't doing. it is a kind of good deed to say well; and yet words are not deeds." either mean "no more" or don't waste your breath.
but i digress. even though i've heard this story way too many times, and once was too many times, perhaps this is too extreme a situation for this post. i read this and i understood everything that was written, i understood the female perspective and while i could site similar complaints from our perspective, i don't think the purpose of this post or its responses is to get into a pissing contest over who does who worse. guys make girls cry due to their actions. girls make guys cry due to their actions. man, i won't even pretend i've never cried over a woman before. we do it to each other. when we get into a relationship and get to a point where we feel like we not longer need to communicate our thoughts and feelings to one another, we're bound to hurt each other. and we'll continue to until we decide that we want more than that for ourselves or we end up alone, wishing we'd done better. your point about the "doing a relationship on your own" is well taken. but again, that also works both ways. "if you're not working together towards building a successful relationship, you're really just working solo to tear it apart." - me. bite it confucius!
two last points, i don't agree that women are more passionate than men at all. i don't think passion is a gender-based quality. "passion" comes from conviction and i've always been at least as passionate about my relationships as whoever i was dating was. because i've always felt conviction that i was with a person who believed like me that we could take potential of "us" and turn it into success of "we". and i'm pretty sure i'm not the other dude who can say that. i'm just saying let's not mistake refusing to throw shit at the walls or breaking stuff as not having passion. i'm not "that" dude.
and second, if you really feel like you need to make a list of "demands" for your dude, it's time to move on. are you a girlfriend, a wife, or a kidnapper? 100,000 and a helicopter to mexico too? seriously, dudes that love you don't need constant reminding to show you that they do. they don't need reminding at all.
and brian said let this be done...and it was good.
Jaysgroove
I think women are stupid. Not all of yall but the lot of you are. I know love can make you do some crazy things to you but when are you gonna say enough is enough. There are a billion men on this planet. GET OVER IT!
Every girl song on the radio talks about the same thing. Man is not treating you right. When the hell are you gonna wake up. Yall been stuck with losers for so long that you don't know or even have a clue when a winner is staring you in the face. We glorify the thug and rap niggas in the videos and we are teaching our daughter's to follow suit. THAT SHIT AIN'T REAL! What do yall say, "I want a thug, I want a that dude over there with money, I want me a rough neck. When he roughed you up at 2 you going to bail him out at 3. I want a real man. Yall don't know even what a real man is and you don't know how to spot one. He ain't at the club cause he as at home sleep trying to get rest for work tomorrow. I will not tolerate a woman who can not stand on her on two feet. I will not tolerate a women who tries to wear my pants for me. I will not tolerate a women who can't say um sorry when there wrong. I will not tolerate a women who is afraid to cry or show there emotions. I will not tolerate physical contact or yelling. If we are two human beings we should be able to communicate. I have set up standers for myself. And I am teaching my daughter standers. So she don't grow up to be a stupid little girl. That thug causing a disruption in class is not the guy you should choose. That one who is quiet and getting straight A's in class is the keeper. Do you think Bill Gates was a thug. No. The bottom line is you don't have a stranger in your house you have a con man who has run a muck with you. You knew what he might be when you met him. But yet you went through with it. I know cause I use to be one. KEEP IT REAL TIME. 2008 I used women as test experiments cause I am good looking enough to do it. I would dickem down good til they were dumb founded. Then I would slowly and gradually move in for the kill. Ask my good friend Kole Black Koleblack.com I did not work the entire year of 2008. Apt, car, and phone paid. For real I abused women in every way that I could. And I have the evidence to prove it. And you know what. They let me. And they treated me like I was the last man on this earth. Lets just say I had an epiphany and I am no longer that man. I am evolving into something better than I was. You women have the greatest compass in the world. Women's intuition. But yet for lack of better judgement you fail to use it. They knew what I was and I told them and they still kept coming at me. I would tell them the truth and they would ignore a direct stop sign. I am telling you this to maybe save some one a broken heart for the ones I broke. I am not proud of who I was. So this is my chance to right the wrongs I have done. I protect the underdog. Right now, women you are that. Part1
Last but not least. I hate and I mean hate that every women I know ponder to long on the problem. They wanna talk about it. Call every one they know and tell everyone about the problems they have with this dude they let do them wrong. If you have not listen to anything I said pay attention to this. SOLVE THE F___ING PROBLEM. CAUSE WOMEN LOVE DRAMA AND ARE TAUGHT THIS FROM AN EARLY AGE. Soap opera show on TV teach you guys to like Drama. TURN THE F___ING SOAP OPERA OFF OF YOUR TV AND YOUR LIFE. Do like Mary J. Bliege said No more Drama. End it! This is your wake up call. Even though um hard on women. To be honest I root for the underdog. I want to see yall do better. But how do we stop this circle. First within ourselves then our daughters. But they will be doomed to repeat cause they see how your reacting to the situation. If I was a woman and there is a stranger in my house. I would treat them like a stranger in my house and put them out and put them out for good.
Jaysgroove um Googlable so Google me or face book me.
P.S. My best friend Kole Black on facebook just wrote a book called Sex Therapy the women's guide to why me cheat. Think yall need to pick up a copy. Conversations he and I had like this one made the book. Also checkout the video I produced for him and his books
All I can say to the blog and most of the posts is that people need to stop puttin men and women in a box. All women are not the same and all men are not the same. We are all individuals with our own set of values, perceptions, ideas, ways of expressing ourselves, etc. I read the blog and can safely say that at least some men feel the same as what the blogger describes. There are no victims here. Just people who realize that they are not getting what they need in a relationship. If after trying your absolute best to make it work there's just no progress, you have to begin to think about moving on. Don't give so much of yourself in a relationship that you lose yourself completely. Compromise some, but not all. Don't expect your partner to be perfect, nor should you expect to be perfect yourself. Forgiveness and redemption are a necessity. You know when you've done wrong - go make up for it. Your partner should feel/do the same. You cannot put a relationship between two individuals in a box and say "this is how it is for everyone". Just not possible.
i wish i could help here but i the stronger lover in my relationships , if don't answer the phone it's because i was busy cooking u dinner , i'm the one who has to say i'm sorry i did not know u where to busy to kiss me for more than a min. , yes i took a nap after i cleaned the whole house just so u would have more time for me , i know how to love , i just have not found the person that knows how to love me back because she is still mad but something that happend years ago, all i can say to women is learn how to love enough to forgive mistakes and do your best to make i'm still feel like a king he will make u the queen u want to be
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