Time for change...

I remember it like it was yesterday. I’d had come to the point in my life where I was ready to give myself to a man. Not just any man but whom I thought was my soul mate at the time. Now we were young and stupid (yes ya’ll, straight ass young & dumb) and I wanted at the time for him to make a decision that he apparently wasn’t able to make. Though circumstances always change and somehow we always found our way back to each other, every time was different…why was this? How after years after the initial meeting and my ultimatum of choosing me or the streets and unfortunately the choice was the streets am I always taken to yet another meeting, different circumstances and the promise of being a better man do I still believe him. I believe that he would never hurt me. I believed it then and I still believe that he would have provided everything that I wanted and treated me like a queen. Wow…so many years…. 2, 4, 5, 8, 10. Everything is the same as it was. BUT now he is coming to me with his heart in his hand (as he has always done) and yet again there is a decision to me made. But this time it is not the questions that are flowing from my mouth to his ears but from his heart to my heart which is making my mind go crazy. What is it that has changed? Are we the same people that we once were? Did we really change at all? Could we be happy with the lives that we have set forth for ourselves and be able to allow that other to enter with such grace? Who determines our fate at this point…Me, Him, or HE (the almighty)?

The way that this man has always questioned me about the paternity of MY child as if it were OUR child always emphasizes how great of a father he is.

With time there is change. Change for the good and sometimes for the bad, in people and in circumstance. So with all the changes that are/were being made, I guess the real question is “Is this a big enough change to CHANGE my life?” that is the burning question of the night….