Monogamy vs Open Relationship

Wonderful topic given by a friend although this subject is very touchy to me at this present time I will do my best to convey my thoughts. Below you will find the simplest of vows that are meant to give the basic guidelines. I will touch on the bolded words. Be prepared to put yourself in that other person's shoes and say "I understand" before you try to validate what you are doing...

I, _________, take you, _________, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

When I ask you to be my everything it is just that MY everything. My someone to call on in my time of need. My friend that will be there for me when I need to talk about my bad day, or just anything that is going on in my life. A friend is someone who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

My faithful partner, I give myself to you as you to me and without reservation. It will be you that lays with me in my bed while I sleep. You that will caress me, and hold me thru the night. In being faithful it is not to cross that line known as cheating. In a relationship or marriage it's to not 'fool around' with someone your not with. But wedding vows don't say that two people are not going to cheat on each other but they will "love and honor" each other. Now, when you know the other person, their character, what makes them feel loved, and how to honor them do just that. Don't do what you would want done for you but what works with them (as long as it is good).

From this day forward Dennis Waitley said “Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” I know that there will be pain. I also know that there will be lack of trust but you have to turn that negative to a positive. DO NOT stress yourself out trying to "fix yourself" when in fact there may not be anything to fix. Sometimes shit just happens. Sydney Smith says that “marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes in between them.” See, I like this quote! But usually it is us that self-destruct and breakdown. We ridicule each other and then we allow others to get involved and then truly fuck shit up!

When it comes to God I have never herd a consistent answer but there is a common thread of not breaking the ten commandments.The 7th commandment says "you shall not committ adultery. Nuff said! I can't get all Godly on you because that is not me. Bottom line is that you know the difference between right and wrong! “God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference” We must always put God first in everything that we do.

In good times and in bad, Dionne Warwick broke it down best For good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more... Ya'll she is the business! The Rolling Stones sang "There've been good times, There've been bad times, I have my share of hard times too, But I lost my faith in the world,
honey, when I lost you. Now I know that I am the first one to try to run in the "bad times" but this is only because I see similarities from my past and remember I do not go backwards! I typically shut it all down and keep it moving. I'm tired of wasting my life.

Unconditional Love Unfortunately Grant Gudmundson said that "Love is unconditional. . . Relationships are not". This is so unfortunate. Why can't it be unconditional. If everything is "Unconditional" in the beginning for us to be united, what exactly will it be to make it "conditional"?

Now that this is all said and done, why is it that we allow certain things to hender our relationships? If I love you and you say that you love me, why do you need to have someone else? What is it that I am not fulfuilling in our relationship? Why must you venture/stray? The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas. Ummm, I'm no man but that is just crazy, stupid, dumb and just plain ignorant of you. Why take the vows? Stay single! So let me think this out: You've been with your wife for years, established a bond, a family and just because you want "variety" you fuck it all up. You start a new relationship with someone but failed to terminate your current status. You call it "variety" Dr. Buss but I call it bullshit! Why put me thru years of committment for you to betray me by being with someone else? Yea, you come home (when you feel like it), you're here for our children (when you say you have time) but really what is the point. You go to be with your "Other" and you come home. What the hell is she thinking? Does she not know that we've been together for a long time and we have a FAMILY!!! What the hell am I doing by putting up with this crap. I know that I'm good enough. I know that I am a strong woman BUT I hate that this other woman can be someone that my husband wants. But why.... Is it wrong for me to hate her? Well, I'm just trying to give perspective but I, SinSiNattie says that YES, you are wrong. You have anger out of the fact that your husband seeked out another woman. You can be pissed of course, but really think about this. Why exactly are you mad at this woman? She can never take your place. She can never be you. She cannot be a fill in mom for your kids. She is just a woman that your man goes to because maybe she is the "it's okay" girl. But you are the "Man please, this is reality". The level-headed one. The one that keeps him grounded. Wait--- now, by no means am I condoning his actions at all. But you really need to focus your frustrations on what the real issue is and that is your man! There is nothing wrong with you!

Now, ya'll know that I have to give both perspectives so let's flip this shit right around. Why do women cheat? The simple answer is because we hurt. We have pain related to loneliness, the rejection and betrayal of a cheating spouse and emotional needs not met and the hurt that accompanies these lacks. Now this time I am a woman and I can say that this too is bullshit! Why be in a committed relationship with someone and cheat? Stay Single! I'm sounding like a broken record!!! Take all that "she" stuff from the last paragraph and replace it with a "he". It's all the same.

Look people it all boils down to . Let's say it together TRUST! I gotta trust that when you are away from me that you are not with another man or woman. I need to know that when you say that you are at work that you are not "puttin in overtime". I need to know that when you say that you are checking your e-mail, facebook, twitter account that that is really what you are doing. Not making arrangements for little meetings in this town or that town or here or there. Oh, I forgot myspace too! Again, why haven't ya'll grown up yet and switched to facebook.

We all know that when you go looking you never know what you will be finding. Can you please be man (and woman) enough to say that "I'm committed to my reltionship?" Shit if you can't, call me and I will tell that person! We all need a little help sometimes. The internet is a crazy thing. You can literally pick and choose who you want to be with. BUT you already did that so QUIT LOOKING!! Also remember that just because he or she did it to you that you cannot "get back." No no no no no and NO!!!! This is not your own rendition of Ludacris' "how low" song...lol! This is serious shit people! All jokes aside. When someone "friend request" you don't get into nothing personal. We dont need anybody thinkin that you are single and you ARE NOT! Post the damn Relationship Status proudly, even if "it's complicated". AND keep people out ya business!

What has been the lesson today ladies and gents....if you want to play, STAY SINGLE!!! If you are comitted to your relationship...STAY COMMITTED! But you CANNOT do both!!