looking in the mirror I see your face... not mine...

After laying in the bed all night, I try to gather my bearings to finally get out of the bed. I try to figure out what is planned within my day and for some reason that image is blank. I begin to think about everything going on in my life currently and then the feelig of being overwhelmed has taken over my body. My health, kids, work, house and the list continues to grow. I really need a break. I need something to take my mind off of things. Should I go away and take some time to myself? Should I go to the library to do research on an upcoming surgery that I really need to have? What's going on with me...why cant I focus on my days anymore? I guess I will take a shower and it will all come to me. Where is my damn towel, and what the hell am I going to do with my hair and did I finish that report from yesterday? The kids have an event after school so I dont have to pick them up until late tonight...no wait, its Tuesday, so they are with their father, so I can stay and work my full day of work. I'm really forgetting to do something...what is it? Was I supposed to meet someone, talk to someone, be somewhere...wtf! what is it! Wait I just got a text saying "i love you:)" and I just smile and reply "l.o.l:)" and keep moving within my day. That one text...those three words have completely got my mind racing. I begin to smile more and then let out a brief chuckle and look at my phone one more time. I begin to think about all the "first" that we shared...then the seconds...and hopefully the forevers. My body is starting to fill with random pain and then a headache to top it off. Can I please have a normal day!

I finally get home to hear a screen door close and then I hear some story that seems to portray my daily activity coming from an apartment upstairs. So sick of nosey bitches in my business. Who is this man that they see leaving my apartment? But really, why does it matter? Why be sneaky and sit in your car just to "runtelldat" about what's goin on with me...again, nosey bitches. I just want to break thru my door and snatch my clothes off and put on some sweatpants. Again, where is my towel? I need to wash off this day. My phone goes off again, and this time it reads "how your day goin bay". With the aggravation of the day my repy this time was just "it is what it is" and I left it alone.

OMG! I'm in so much pain! I really need to find my damn towel and get in the shower. Maybe the heat will help me. Aahh, finally into the shower with the steam all around me... I can finally breathe. As I wash up and just lay my head on the shower wall and close my eyes, my day flashes before me. Nothing special, just a typical day. How can I make it thru any more of these? I cant go thru this alone...

I turn off the water to the shower and proceed to dry off. Still amongst the steamy mist that has filled the room, I try to see. I open my eyes and see just a cloudy fog. I cracked the door to let some of the steam escape the bathroom and I begin to wipe the mirror. As i stand there, clean from everything but burden. I drop to the ground and pray to God that he will give me a sign to help me thru.Help me determine the value of my life. Give me something to try to aleve some of the stress. Feeling such emptiness, i brought myself back to my feet and I look into the mirror, and I see your face...not mine...