Revenge....Forgiveness...

"If it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge" quoted by the great William Shakespeare. What does this truly mean? If I slept with a man years ago you should make it a point to sleep with him too? Exactly where does this stop. Why is there this need to compete with our lives and try to be better than the next? Is it possible to really be "better" than the next person. I don't want to get all religious on you but c'mon...God created us in his image but I dont recall seeing in the bible that he slept with Abrahams girl just because he could. But I guess that's not a good example since he is GOD! But that's my point. We (not specifically but generally) always want to throw God in the middle of everything but I don't understand how you can be a christian on certain days. Is there a switch or something that tells me that when I go out and decide to have a one night stand with my husbands best friend that it's okay. But the next day you have someone in your life that does the same exact thing and you get all "Pro-Christ" on them. Help me understand this.

We see our family doing well for themselves and we cant be happy for them but we are envious. Creating such jealous rages within the relationship that took a lifetime to build. Family...should we always jump to forgive them for their deceitful actions because they are blood. I know my family isn't close like it should be but I don't ever think that I downed someone for their success or for them trying to be a better person for themselves. It's like this, I went to a nice school and got a decent education and went on to college and maintained my career but I don't look at the family that didn't any different than myself. We all have circumstances that kept us from doing something in our life that may not have been our own dream but in the words of me (Nattie) "it is what it is." I can be labeled as the "better" one to them but in all reality, my mom was like their mom, their home was like my home, and my childhood was like their childhood. It may not have appeared that way but it really was. I grew up to live in the "hood" and I'm not talking about a little outside of the suburb I'm talking about "Glencoe". Where when I looked out my window all I saw was drug deals going down, prostitution on my front porch, fools shootin just to be shootin... I got into legal trouble or should I say illegal situations but I had to make a choice. Where did I want to be in MY LIFE? And then we make changes to make our dreams and goal obtainable.

It was you that drifted, not me. Why must you hate me in such a way that you spread lies about me to taint my character because YOU chose a different lifestyle? I'm finally seeing my path and around the people that helps my light shine brighter. Why take this...no, retract that last statement...why try to take away what I want to build as a sanctuary for me and my family. A platform so high that as I progress all I can do is reach down and pull another hand to help them get on my level. A path that can be followed and detoured amongst the next confused person not thinking they have a way. Why do you hate me for trying to...just be me? I'm really not sure that I'm strong enough to hear the answer to that but test me because my strength grows rapidly. I know like me you wanted to be educated but there is still time for that. Dreams are still obtainable until the day you take your last breath. But until then quit hatin on me and join me. I hate you for secretly hating me but...i forgive you. I forgive you for all the hurt that you have caused. I forgive you for all the time you spent with me that wasn't truly just to be with me. George Bernard Shaw said that "Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated." I'm learning to just accept this as it is and to not ask questions. Lewis B. Smedes says that "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future." ...In looking at all this as a whole, it's really not me that you hate...it's you.