Relationship... To Be Or Not To Be...What's The Real Question?

A couple of weeks I asked a panel of Males and Females a group of questions around being single and being in relationships. I was truly impressed by the male response (75%). It was good to see all of you come together and really be serious around a matter that is usually not spoken about. I guess that shows the maturity of these men... Now the females on the other hand, disappointed me a bit. I posted to about 10 and got back 30% of the responses, but yet this proved my theory. So lets get "write" to it! I believe that it will be easier to break this out individually by questions...don't worry, I will not be giving any names during this.

What are the biggest challenges you face/faced being single?
The holistic response from the male perspective is that there are no challenges to being either and the true challenge one person brought up was finding someone you want to be with and maintaining that relationship.Also, trying no to catch feeling for someone because you are a good person wanting to see the good in everyone. But on the other hand the holistic response from the female perspective was that it was hard to find a mate period. It's challenging within itself for females because we have this need to not be alone. We want someone there that will hold us when we need support or that feeling of security. Now let me break this down; one of the females is married so obviously she has had no apparent challenge with this but as for the others, my real concern is "where the hell are you looking?" And please don't say in church! Being a female myself, i want to speak on this as well. I guess it all boils down to what exactly it is that you are looking for. It's about being at the appropriate place at the right time. Also don't go looking for it...let it just happen.

How can you tell if a Male/Female is into you?
While most of you would say that actions speak louder than words. There is also body language to play a factor in all of it. But let me say this, on the flip-side of all of this both men and women can do whatever it takes to get what they want. whether it be dinner, shopping, quality time or just plain sex, we do whatever it takes. I think that its the mentality of the person. If you are a person that just takes into consideration how you feel and what you want it really doesn't matter if that other person is in to you or not. But then again, let me share with you my theory on how "women run all relationships". See the fact of the matter is that you guys (literally) think that when you go out that you gonna "score, tap that, hit that, bang that out" or whatever the term is these days but you fail to realize that regardless of your plan, us women make or break it. So, basically we sit at home and get ready to go out and then we decide what kind of night we want to have. Some of us are contemplating a one night stand with the man of our choice or just want to dance with a couple of people or just plain go out and be hoe-ish... yea, that's right...that's the one you guys might get lucky with the hoe-ish girl. Us females that just want to go out and have a good time have to worry about the over-aggressive male that just wants to "get some" and the guys that are worth our time don't approach us because maybe they are intimidated by just the appearance or feel the need to secretly watch us all thru the night interact with other people around us. Why is this. Why am i not approachable to the common guy. I'm cute, well to me I'm just fuckin beautiful (inside and out)! In the words of Kayne West...you can't tell me nothing...lol! But personally, if I like you and want to talk to you... I will.


Do we have trouble communicating?
what the hell...of course we do. We live in a world now where everyone is right. Men and women both have things that they are more comfortable talking about with certain people and sometime that is not their partner. No I don't want to hear how you're pissed that your homie fucked your ex/baby momma. Nor do I want to hear about how you sucked your man last night. Somethings are just not to be shared with anyone! I'm sorry for that but I had a flash of some people from my past. I would have to agree with one of the females that responded to this when she said that women are usually more open to talk about dreams, goals, i.e. having children but also on the other hand another female said that it is hard to open up to someone that you love because of the fear of the response. It was also said that men are interested in learning about the woman herself and that they think more in the "now", than in the future. Now guys you had a subtle response to this. To much my surprise you countered what the females said and said that of course there will be communication issues but at the same time you need to find a medium of understanding. Being honest and truthful with what you have to say and expect the other to do the same. But all in all the mutual agreement is that we (men and women) aren't wired the same way. Us women are the upgraded model (rims and all)...hahaah. But I did get an interesting response that broke it down in the terms of Girls & Boys. I quote..."Men and women have no problem communicating. Girl and boys do. Girls cant express feelings because of fear so they play games or dress up with tight clothes or wear little clothes to attract guys. Boys go out and create jealousy by talking to other girls to send a signal to the girl that he likes to get with him or loose him. hmmmm....deep!

OMG--the kids
Why is this a problem? Most of us females leaned towards drama with the other female in the man's life. My boy Dave Hollister said it best "I gots the baby mama drama, Enough to wanna make ya scream and holla" but that goes for the baby daddy drama too. Glad to know that most of you wont discriminate. I understand some reasons for doing so but use caution. Get your life in order first before you go adding more stuff. We are not adding to a collection of air force ones in the closet people. This is life and when we date it affects everyone involved directly or indirectly. I got two responses of not being able to have the milk without the cow and guys...i dunno...why a cow tho..can we come up with something better...lol. Another male response was how can you try to pretend her life didn't start until you met her... Good point! Ending it all with either you accept it or move on. But you could be missing out on a great partner because of your standards....Think about it...

Git it...hookin up...
Look ya'll...i'm looking for someone to "put a ring on it" and to accomplish that... I ain't hookin up nothing but dinner...lmao. Or maybe my hair before I go out with the ladies. But again we agree that relationships these days are what's in. Why spend the time hooking up when all you gonna get is a trip to tha clinic. I dont want to be asking for your "safe sex license" cuz you think your are "pimpin" or what's tha word girls use nothin fancy just "hoe" comes to mind.

Dating Complaints...Leave them in my purse or wallet at the end of the date
Nobody wants their time wasted and this is what the #1 complaint is. AND.. when on that date, stay off the damn phone! I don't care if your girl is calling askin what your date looks like or your homie text'n you to see if you gonna get some tonight. Focus people!! How can we date when we have all this outside crap going on? When I go out, I don't want to stop over your momma's house cuz you supposedly left something there, and I sure as hell don't want to go to the strip club...on the first date:). I understand that you don't want to meet our family or involve the family in the play-by-play of the entire night. As in Vegas...what happens in ____________stays is ___________...please take note.

Marriage...is it just a piece of paper?
Well Cass Daley said "Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give." The union of two people is the most beautiful thing... why are we so scared to make this commitment? I'm a decent person... no wait, not enough confidence...I'm a damn good person and any man should love to have me in their life. I cant offer anymore than I already do. But also I've been in a situation of being with someone for years and just felt like I needed the validation of the commitment. Like I needed to wake up and roll over and see that piece of paper to keep me from knocking tha shit outta him for doing something stupid. Oops...another personal reflection...lol. But seriously somebody that I asked put it to me in a way that I had never heard it before. "Will you carry the marriage license around in your purse or will you carry a picture of your husband?" That shit was deep. I mean it fucked me up for days thinking about that. Excellent point!

Now, I would like to thank everyone for their input on this and hopefully it helps gives perspective but if not...oh well, i tried. And like Jay-Z said "on to the next one"...lol!