The Games that "Bitches" and "Bitches" Play...

First let me explain this title as it is more graphic than most things that I write. Well these days have been filled with so much drama that It's come to the point where I've lost track of names and have replaced the name and the actions with the words "Bitch". So instead of me referring to you as Jane or John it's just simply "bitch" and whatever you did was a "bitch move!" So this is what's been the issues that have been turning me into that alter ego bitch Nattie;

Listen up because I'm about to let ya'll in on the game that "Bitches" and "Bitches" play.

You already know that I'm to a point where I really need to say

Aint it funny how the one guy said that he would treat you like a queen

You know, the one who every time you was in trouble gave a shoulder to lean

He would do so much crazy shit that you couldn't believe

And even tho you knew it was gonna hurt you, you had no choice to leave

You claimed you felt my pain when I told you about the others that broke my heart

And you also claimed that you was faithful ever since the start

But now I know better and all ya'll wanna do is hit

But because of this ya'll seeing that us females are on that same shit

There's gotta be something wrong when I can't trust you in tha 'Nati

Or are these just the thoughts of me, ya girl...SinSiNattie

Cuz right now I feel like why should I get played by the "bitch" when I can be the player

And I can save all that lovey dovie shit til I'm over 40 or later

So until then why not be like young money and fuck every "bitch" in tha world

You already showed me that you don't care if you fuck your homie's girl

Apparently nobody is faithful to these relationships anyways

You played me once so now that's the skill that I demonstrate

Females be like the men and see what they can get

And remember we on that same shit now when we get done just like ya'll "who's next"

Now I'm not calling every female and every dude a "Bitch"

But if the description describe you then the description fits

And ladies just because one "bitch" broke your heart

Of that pain, the next man and every other "bitch" in the world didn't have a part

But ladies since we gonna be on that same shit and do dirt

Remember not to put your feelings on the line and get hurt

You see, that "same shit" is just a TRUST problem

We have to at some point TRUST that they are different and it wont be a problem

But this is just the game that Bitches and Bitches play

And hopefully they'll find true love.... one day.

As for me I'm on that "new shit" and that word TRUST is no longer in my vocabulary.

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Shielded...

From the dark corner I see your face

The beauty of your face lightens up my day

But you don't know the feelings I feel inside

I feel, you don't

But I never tried because

My shield is up but i'll let it down for you

But I won't let you throw my heart in circles

But please know that my love is for real

I never chased your love

But I'm afraid

Afraid of getting crushed to pieces

But how will I know if these walls are up?

And should they be with you?

From the dark corner I see your smile

Most beautiful thing I ever saw

The sweetness of your voice reminds me

That I believe I've chosen an angel

I feel, you don't

But I never tried because

From the dark corner I see your being

A person that is just as scared as me but won't admit

The same tension that empowers our souls

Is the same tension that will force havoc and spin us into...

Yet another dark corner to watch each other and see what move is to be made

Who has built up the strength to move about this dark corner

I feel, you don't

But I never tried because

I've followed the roads that I've traveled alone

The lonely nights that I dreamed

It just takes that one risk, that one chance

But is it only worth it to me

Or are you comfortable in that dark corner

Apparently I am wasting my time

Because I feel, you don't...

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I am...

I CAN SEE RIGHT PAST YOUR COMPLICATED MASKS
GIVE A REFINED ANSWER TO ANY QUESTION YOU ASK
RAISE 1 OR 10 CHILDREN THROUGH STRUGGLE AND STRIFE
RUN A MAJOR CORPORATION AND BE A ACCOMODATING WIFE
CONVERSE WITH THE ‘BIG-WIGS’ OR SPEAK FLO IN THE HOOD
SAY “ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC!” OR “WASSUP, IT’S ALL GOOD!”
PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE, WITHOUT SAYIN’ TOO MUCH
I’M AN INTELLECTUAL WOMAN,

I POSSESS THE STRENGTH OF THE STRONGEST FOUNDATION
MY VOICE SPEAKS VOLUME HEARD THROUGHOUT THE NATION
MY HANDS GRASP RESERVATION AND TURNS IT INTO HOPE
AND THESE HANDS HAVE CUT SOCIETY’S “LIMITATION ROPE”
THERE IS NO LIMIT ON THE STRENGTH THAT I CAN AND WILL POSSESS
THE DETERMINATION I HAVE/ HAD, MY COURAGE OR MY PROWESS
THE FORCE OF MY INFLUENCE CAN BE FELT WITH ONE TOUCH
I’M A STRONG WOMAN,
........SO ADDRESS ME AS SUCH

MY HEART CONTAINS LOVE IN IT’S PUREST FORM
UNCONDITIONAL, ABSOLUTE, AND EVERYDAY REBORN
MY LOVE CAN SURPASS THE MOST GRUELING OF TESTS
IT SUPPLIES ASSURANCE TO MANY WHERE THERE IS UNREST
MY LOVE BONDS, AND SHAPES, AND MOLDS, AND HOLDS
IT BEGINS FROM BIRTH, TO 10 TO 30 TO “INFINITY-YEARS-OLD”
YOU CAN EVEN FEEL THAT WITHOUT PHYSICAL TOUCH
I’M A LOVING WOMAN,

THE PASSION THAT IS SWELLING, BREWING INSIDE
RISES TO MY SURFACE, IT NEVER HIDES
WHETHER IT’S DISPLAYED WHEN I TAKE A STAND
OR WHEN IT’S SEDUCTIVELY REVEALED FOR MY MAN
IT’S INTENSITY IS UNRESTRAINED, AND UNINHIBITED
AND JUST LIKE MY STRENGTH, IT IS UNLIMITED
IT CAN BE OVERWHELMING, FOR SOME, IT’S A BIT MUCH
I’M A PASSIONATE WOMAN,

INTELLECTUAL, STRONG, LOVING, AND PASSIONATE
SOPHISTICATED, POWERFUL, AFFECTIONATE, IMMACULATE
I’M NOT YOUR BOO, YOUR GIRL, YOUR MISTRESS OR A HOE
I’M THE CENTER OF LIFE, MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW
I’M YOUR SISTER, YOUR AUNTIE, YOUR NIECE, YOUR MOTHER
AND I STAND BESIDE YOU, NOT BEHIND I AM NOT YOUR COVER
I COME IN DIFFERENT SHAPES, SHADES, AND SIZES
AND NO ONE CAN DENY ME WHEN THIS WOMAN RISES
MY STYLE IS CAPTIVATING, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
I’M A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,

NOW I WANT TO MAKE THIS ALL VERY CLEAR THAT THE ABOVE IS ME… TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. I KNOW WHO I AM AND WHO I STRIVE TO BE. PEOPLE ENTER YOUR LIFE AND SOMETIMES MAKE YOU TAKE A STEP BACK TO “SELF EVALUATE” WHO YOU REALLY ARE AND I DID JUST THAT. AND AFTER THIS SELF-EVALUATION I FOUND THAT THIS IS JUST WHO I AM. YES, I CAN BE OUTSPOKEN BUT I WAS ALWAYS TAUGHT TO NEVER HOLD THINGS BACK AND FOR YEARS THIS IS WHAT I DID. I WILL NO LONGER DO THIS ANYMORE. I GIVE RESPECT WHEN RESPECT IS DUE AND EXPECT IT IN RETURN. JUST THAT STRAIGHT FORWARD. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE THESE DAYS? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GAIN FROM THE DISRESPECT? THE RIGHT TO JUST SAY THAT I _________ DISRESPECTED A GOOD PERSON… WHAT’S YOUR ADDRESS? YOUR CONSOLATION PRIZE IS IN PROCESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

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With every beat...

With every beat of my heart
I feel yours inside of mine,
Together they beat as one
Keeping perfect time.

With every beat of my heart
I hear yours inside of mine,
Our chance to be together
The beat says it's nearly time.

With every beat of my heart
I know that yours does to,
And every time it pumps
I know I'm feeling you.

With every beat of my heart
I listen close to what it says,
I hear yours calling mine
And it knows it must obey.

With every beat of my heart
I feel mine loving you,
And with every beat of yours
I know you love me too.

With every beat of my heart
It hurts when you say good bye,
And with every beat of my heart
Drops another tear I cry.

With every beat of my heart
I miss you all the more,
The beat grows ever louder
Until it's like a thunderous roar.

For with every beat of my heart
Inside I feel the pain,
Right now mine beats alone
And I'm missing you again.

With every beat of my heart
I need yours here to stay,
For I miss you all the more
Everytime you go away.

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Not Waiting Around...

"Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them" - Orison Swett Marden

As I realize that I will be turning 31 in March, I really have taken the time out to really try to figure out what I want out of life. I'm doing exactly what I want and have had a great time doing it. I have surrounded myself with extraordinary people that have made my life more meaningful and unfortunately others that have made it unbearable. Thanks to my extraordinary friends, I love you all. Now for the people that have come to expect things from me such as time, companionship, friendship for all the wrong reasons or just because THEY want it....well, I'm done with your asses! I'm done sitting around and waiting for you to get your lives together but stressing me and calling me "shallow" because i refuse to go out of my way to do things for you.

Hmm...what else am I not doing? i AM NOT returning text messages if you do not have the decency to pick up the damn phone to call me. I will no longer exist to you! If this is a problem...please delete my number from your phone (I'm sure I already deleted yours). Patience is a virtue that I don't have. And I'm not even mad about it. It just is what it is.

Oh, I forgot! Quit commenting on my facebook pages as well. I'm getting really irritated with all this. Before FB there was the telephone and text was not a feature so STOP IT! or I will delete (Unfriend) you on my account.

You know as we get older our tolerance for some things get really short. How are we to handle things that didn't used to bother us as much. I don't know about you but as I get older I'm starting to "dislike" a whole bunch of mess. I don't understand it really, what's up with this change in me? Maybe it's the fact that I forgot to weed out unnecessary baggage out of my life. Hmmm, why do we say words that we do not mean. I'm really lost with this. How can you look someone in the face and just lie...wait...not just lie in a typical way but a lie so big that your own stupid self have to believe it to try to convey it to someone else. "I love you" are words that are said so loosely these days. You cannot love without "respect" and you can't respect without love. Quite simple!

So let's end on this note, remember the quote "All things come to him who waits" ?.....did you know that this quotes ends with "provided he knows what he is waiting for"!--Woodrow Wilson. How do you just leave out the most important piece of the quote??? Yet another instance where you only relay the piece that warrants what you are trying to express. Just plain dumb! Mr. Wilson, I say you demand respect and force people to say the entire quote....Just a thought!

Woodrow Wilson December 28, 1856 – February 3, 1924

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Our Deepest Fear..

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

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Natural...

This is natural, they say

It is all for the best

I cannot move past this heartache

This pain in my chest

Those days were surreal

Did this truly just occur

Happiness turned to sorrow

My life now a blur

This is natural, they say

I knew I was going to lose you

The most difficult emotion

There was nothing I could do

I am given no explanation

This is natural, they say

Were you pink or were you blue

My complexion is now grey

Trying to move on

A forward step everyday

I will always remember you

This is natural, they say

But the truth is,

it is not natural to one whom feels pain.

To feel such an emptiness inside, lonliness,

More like going insane.

I wake up every morning and see a mark

But not the image of you but a scar.

I shed hours and hours of tears in the dark

Pleading with God and saying “you’ve gone too far”

I know you are powerful and this too shall pass

But what about me…I know I didn’t fail your class.

Your class of motherhood, for you’ve blessed me twice

What exactly did I do wrong to have to pay this price?

“I would have loved with a love that was greater than a love” like-“Poe”

and believed that “Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love’s tragedies” like “Oscar” But what I’m missing here is that I am not faithless. I know love and how to love and what is needed to protect those loved. But as I could carry on with questions forever thru my life the only one that I really need answered is…

Why didn’t you trust me with what is so “natural?”

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